LIFE IS CALLING
Life is calling for the fullest expression of you.
Not part of you or some of you, all of you.I recently realized, I have been suppressing certain emotions and withholding uncomfortable truths.
Emotions like anger, frustration, irritation and grief. Truths like, “I have this need but I feel bad asking for it” or “I feel jealous but I’m too embarrassed to tell you” or “This isn’t working out but I don’t want to hurt you.” I did my best to create a perfect persona, a masterful people pleaser and harmonizer who did her inner work off court and kept her “difficult” emotions to herself.
It doesn’t work like that.
We can’t just suppress parts of ourselves without suppressing all of ourselves. And these parts clap back and come up to the surface sooner or later often in unintended unconscious ways.
So what now? What do we do with all we feel?
I believe we are here on this earth to create. To create beauty, to create life, to co-create the world we want to live in.I believe our emotions are energy in motion, they are a gift with great wisdom for us.I believe that when we master our emotions and come into balance within ourselves, we become full expressions of Spirit.
At a young age, so many of us, especially women and women of color were taught to be “nice”, quiet, submissive, or even to be “strong”, to grow tough skin, swallow bitterness, and “be the better person”.That may have worked as a survival method then and it many cases it is effective to avoid / address conflict now.
But we are so much more. There is POWER in our emotions. Power in our anger. Power in our truth. Power in our pain.Patriarchy, colonialism, capitalism, all the isms of “power over” and control people have suppressed the fiercest most beautiful force on this planet, the divine feminine in her fullest expression, the full range of life and love. This isn’t just for women, it’s for all of us. There are so many men who are taught not to cry. But crying is natural, it’s a self-soother and if we were encouraged to self-soothe perhaps we wouldn’t act on in unhealthy rage.
We see big emotions expressed in Kali Ma and Durga, we see this in super heroines and on-screen-queens. But being able to do this on the everyday? Be both the lover and the warrior, unafraid of our power and firm in our loving boundaries, that takes real work.
As I step into year 33, which in Numerology is known as the “Year of Self-Mastery”, I believe life is calling me to master my emotions. This doesn’t mean taming/controlling them. It means seeing the power in them. Becoming intimate with the fullness of them. Understanding them, facing them, even though it’s scary.
This isn’t just about me, it’s my matriarchal lineage, it’s my ancestry, it’s women everywhere, it’s our full humanity.We are not here to fit into a box, to suppress ourselves or to clip our wings.We are here to LIVE FULLY. To breathe life into the world.
To give into our ALIVENESS, to dance, to shake, to sing.The world heals when we heal ourselves. The world liberates itself when we liberate ourselves. If we keep hurting ourselves “for the good of others” that ain’t gonna add up right.
My commitment now is to learn from the wisdom of the fullness that is me. To discover more of myself and to practice expressing my truth intentionally. To dive into my creativity. To dance with my humanity and my divinity. To learn to love it all and be present with what life brings.This will take practice, moment to moment, breath by breath, one day at a time. And even if I were to do nothing,I know I am innately enough.
As Audre Lorde says, “Every day of your lives is practice in becoming the person you want to be. No instantaneous miracle is suddenly going to occur and make you brave and courageous and true. ”
From that place I ask, are you ready to step into the full expression of you?
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With love x liberation,
Lotus
